I Need to Lighten Up

After all the heavy stuff I've been sharing with you bloggers and bloggettes I thought I would lighten up, literally. Recently a relative, not a church member, patted my rotund mid-section and declared, "You are getting more like me every time I see you." My immediate inclination was to respond, "You mean rude?" But I remembered I was a Christian and a pastor (not to mention my wife was in close proximity and I knew a pinch or backhand would be forthcoming). I knew what he meant of course. Although I would never be so bold as to evaluate a persons dimensions without being asked I knew he was talking about my weight. I had already determined I should lose a few pounds. I just wish it didn't take so much effort. After all, it is almost painless putting it on. I've been going down hill for a while. It started when lacing up shoes wore me out. Then I went to loafers. When I found myself searching the internet for shoes comfortable enough to sleep in I decided it was time for action. (Don't laugh. If they can do it with contact lenses then they can do it with shoes too.) So today I started my regiment of eating right. Skim milk and cardboard wafers disguised as cereal for breakfast, grilled rubber chicken sandwich with no fries and a diet coke for lunch, and a breath mint for a snack has been my daily bread. Oh yeah, and 13 cups of coffee with Splenda for support. I don't think it is effecting me very much. I don't think it is effecting me very much. I don't think it...Oh I already said that. So if you see me around the church and you notice I've lost a little weight don't be afraid to encourage your pastor. A simple pat on the tummy will do. On second thought, keep your hands to yourself and say something nice or don't say anything at all. Excuse me I've got to go. My coffee cup is empty and their baking cookies downstairs. There aren't any calories in the smell is there?
In His Shadow,
Pastor Ken